Gave myself a couple of days to ponder and read through some adoption forums and more blogs. Seems many others have been faced with the same conundrum thanks to Facebook/MySpace. I don’t want to send my daughter a message that way if it will make her uncomfortable using Facebook again. She has a gazillion friends to keep up with, after all.
Maybe an intermediary would be better. I’ve been considering sending a note with pictures to her aparents instead. I believe wholeheartedly that they will handle it well; let her know they have the contact information whenever she wants it. She is 20, after all — might not be ready for me yet but she’s not a child anymore either. Just not sure if the aparents should be the intermediary — tough position for them.
Been thinking too that it might be a good idea to call the SW and have a coffee with her. I’m VERY curious if her slip was intentional, but she also knew the aparents much better than I did, so might be able to steer me in the right direction.
June 3, 2008 at 6:50 pm
Hello,
I found your blog surfing around here, and I also found my son via myspace.
I’m not sure how old your daughter is, or what the situation is.
For me I did find him on myspace, and when I did I sent him a message and he responded right away.
I personally thought it was the best way to contact him, he is 20 years old (well 19 at the time I found him on myspace) I felt that was the best way to contact him because that way, it was totally in his control, he was the only one that knew about it, and it was more between he and I. Since he is an adult I didn’t feel that I had to involve his adoptive parents.
My son and I communicated for a year (Starting on April 2007) and then just this Past May (three weeks ago) I was able to go and meet my son for the first time.
That’s just my two cents.
I hope you can come to a decision that you are ok with.
Take care.
June 4, 2008 at 4:33 pm
Wow, that’s great to hear. A new day, a new perspective. I think I’ll sit on it for a bit. My daughter is 20 — looks like we were going through the same stuff at the same time! Glad to hear you met your son. Would love to hear more details.
June 4, 2008 at 5:58 pm
sure feel free to ask me anything…
It was exciting to find somebody else who is in the same boat!
Take care.
June 7, 2008 at 2:00 pm
Hiya C!! Thought I would stop by and see how the blogging is going. I’m going to add you to my blogroll if it’s OK with you.
Just wanted to say that most adoptee’s want to be contacted directly once they are over 18. It’s tough on them if thier parents aren’t on-board with reunion. By contacting them directly they have control over letting their parents know. One less thing you know? It can also work the other way around. They don’t want contact but their parents press the issue.
I look forward to reading more!!
June 7, 2008 at 8:40 pm
hi!
found your site from ocean’s blog.
i’m adopted. 19 now. but for me, everything was semi open from the beginning. i guess you can venture through my story on my page. (too long to write here lol)
good luck with whatever you choose – if your daughter were me, i would be happy to hear from you regardless of how you choose to do it. every adoptee is different about how much interest they have in their adoption and birthfamily. so i can’t speak for her. but those are my own thoughts.
i’m excited to see how your story unfolds! i’ve added you to my links. welcome to blogland!!!!
June 8, 2008 at 10:31 pm
Allison — I’d love to hear your whole story. What did you say in your e-mail to him? What did he say back? How was the meeting? Do you have a blog? Totally addicted to blogs now. Anything you’d be willing to share would be fantastic.
Oceans — thanks for your thoughts on sending the e-mail. I’m procrastinating now ‘cuz I’m chicken at heart, but the more I read the more I’m swaying towards sending it.
Victoria — I have been reading your blog and it’s great to hear from you. Your perspective is invaluable.
June 9, 2008 at 2:53 am
Hi Canuck,
My blog address is http://mybirthnameisallison.wordpress.com/
I’m kind of new to the blog thing too… and yes I think I too could sit here 24/7 and read adoption blogs!
I also live in Canada too!
In my original message to my son when I found him on myspace, I just said, I am your birth mom, and I’d love to get to know you and communicate with you….
He wrote back the same day, and we kind of went from there.
It took a year and a bit for us to meet in person. And it was great. But now that it is over, I’m still dealing with a lot of emotions, etc. And I know I will see him again, but well it is very hard.
you can email me if you like supermom13@gmail.
I am slowly posting bits and pieces of my story up on my blog.
Anyhow, take care.
June 15, 2008 at 5:01 am
Just found your blog.
As an a-mom, I would think that once your son hit 18, all bets are off as far as trying to run this past his A-parents. I agree that contacting him directly gives him the power to make whatever decision he wants, which is nice because so far, it’s been everyone else deciding for him.
Good luck & I hope you get a positive response back!!
PS: also in Canada, but on the west coast.